Strengthening Relationship with Your Friend

by Percival J. Meris on July 30, 2009

True Friends

IN LIFE, ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS YOU WILL BUILD with your fellow human beings is friendship. Without friends, you would be lonely, rejected, and left out. Usually when you build true friendship, you limit it to only a handful of handpicked individuals. You want to emphasize quality over quantity of relationship. With persons who do not belong to this intimate circle, the quality of your relationship is only casual and without deep inner connection. But your relationship with true friends rests on a strong solid support of loyalty, trust, and honesty.

Friendship Built Over Time

True friendship is not built overnight. You meet a person for the first time. Both of you find that you share some common interests, and then you decide to meet again. With each subsequent meeting, your bond grows and strengthens. Communication then becomes easier. Eventually, you become more comfortable and closer to each other. The whole process takes time. Time is what makes this relationship solid and strong.

When Relationship Turns Sour

Occasionally, your relationship experiences will go through a roller coaster ride of peaks and valleys. Relationships could turn sour over time. Mishandled and ignored, this sad experience could break up your relationship. Do not be disheartened. This is just part of that joyous roller coaster ride.

Handled well, this experience strengthens your relationship. These difficult times will unveil the true colors of each of you. This gives both of you an opportunity to get to know each other, and learn to accept each other for what you really are. Consequently, it builds trust and loyalty, and anchors your relationship on rock-solid foundation.

What You Should Do

For your relationship to remain healthy, you must look at yourself first. You have no control over the thoughts and actions of your friend, but you have control over your own. So instead of dwelling on what you cannot be in command of, work on what you can change (you).

First, evaluate yourself. What actions of yours caused the problem in the first place? What qualities must you develop to become a better friend? Consider the following actions:

    1. Assess you worth and value as a person. Here are a few examples of questions you should ask yourself. Do you take your friend’s need into consideration? Would you go an extra mile for his sake? Can you be trusted and confided with your friend’s innermost secrets? If your answers are in the negative, go into deeper introspection and change for the better.

    2. Measure your level of commitment. Do you give high priority to your relationship? If not, you will have no time for it … and you will not make time for it. If you cannot offer your commitment, you offer your words as excuses. If you can and will commit, then you let your actions speak for itself.

The kind of commitment you want is not one in which you are merely fulfilling obligations or promises. You want one that you enter into willingly, totally, and wholeheartedly. However, any type of commitment not inflamed by passion is most likely to morph into the former type.

Friends Help Friends Grow

True friends help each other grow mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It requires both unconditional, as well as tough, love. Building rock-solid friendship takes time to achieve, but once you’re in a rock-solid friendship with someone, you will know whom you can trust. Neither distance nor hard times can spoil a truly rock-solid friendship.

Friendship Is a Form of Love

Friendship is a form of love, and true love is the highest form of friendship. Given this, should not your best friend be your spouse? If you truly love your spouse, you will make him or her your truest friend. And since true love involves the highest form of sacrifice, you will subordinate your interest to that of your friend.

To learn more how to build a solid long-enduring friendship, I highly recommend that you get a copy of Dale Carnegie’s classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Since it is a classic, this literature has been placed under public domain, and therefore free download is available.


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