How Do You Get Over an Unwanted Breakup of a Love Relationship?

by Percival J. Meris on June 22, 2011



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A BREAKUP OF A LOVE RELATIONSHIP IS ONE OF THE TOUGHEST DECISIONS TO ACCEPT, especially if you are not the one initiating it. You experience severe pain of separation because of deep emotional attachment developed during relationship.

One or both of you may have realized that your relationship simply cannot work. One of you may be married or of the same sex as the other, or is grossly and incurably incompatible with the other.

It is both to your best interests to terminate it immediately. There is nothing you can do but to accept it. To insist will not be worth your while. It is better to leave it broken than to get yourself all the more wounded, as you try to assemble the pieces together again.

If you do not want this breakup, heartbreak can devastate you, unless you do something to alleviate your pain.

Coping Up with a Love Relationship Breakup

Time heals a broken heart, but in the beginning you have to do something to assuage the pain. You can take these immediate steps to this end:

  • take off your mind from your ex-love
  • shift your attention towards yourself

How to Take Your Mind Off Your Ex-Love after Breakup

Try the following techniques to survive this difficult event in your life. They are meant to help you shift your focus away from the hurt and soothe your heart with more consoling experiences.

This is based on the principle that no two conflicting thoughts can occupy the mind at the same time. Choose one purposefully, and you shut out the other.

Hang Out with Your Friends

Enjoying night-outs with friends could help keep your mind off the person you have broken from. Spend the night with them in fun and revelry.

Although you may not yet be able to completely take off the thought of your broken love, this is more helpful than spending your time by yourself, especially while your wound is still fresh.

But I would STRONGLY advise against drowning your sorrows in alcohol, which would only lead to self-destruction.

Pamper Your Yourself Healthfully

A spa con massage experience, perhaps? A spa experience can soothe your high-strung nerves, and loosen tight muscles resulting from the breakup stress. Making your body feel wonderful generates a pleasant mood.

Re-engineer a New Living Environment

Overhaul your personal surroundings. Get rid of every item that will remind you of the person and your relationship. Rearrange the furniture. Change the draperies. Apply new coats of paints. Decorate it with things that evoke only positive vibrations in you.

Leave the House and Go Out Somewhere

Go out with friends. See happy faces and happy places, like shopping malls, recreation sites, or beach resorts. Take part in the joyful excitements they provide. Going out breaks you loose from your shell of isolation that breeds occasions for wallowing in depression and self-pity.

Travel Away on a Carefree Escapade

Take a leave of absence from your work, and momentarily immerse yourself in a completely different setting. Go where you have never been to before. Just take care that you do not go to places that will remind you of the person. Go as far away as your budget can afford.

How to Focus on Yourself after a Breakup

It is time now to focus on yourself – not in an attitude of self-pity, regret, or guilt, but in a spirit of homecoming. Perhaps, there are things about yourself that you have neglected because you were so engrossed on the other person during your relationship. Now is the time to catch up, and make up for lost time.

Take good care of yourself physically.

Whatever happens to the mind happens to the body, and whatever happens to the body happens to the mind. As your mind has brought stresses to your body, so can your body restore peace in your mind. When you feel good physically, you feel good emotionally, too.

  • Eating the right kind of foods can boost your physical energy and improve your over-all disposition.
  • A good physical workout is good for releasing stress and depression out of your system. At the same time, the release of a massive amount of endorphins into your bloodstream during the exercise brings about a better feeling.
  • Get enough restful sleep. You look and feel better when you are well-rested. It gives you some degree of immunity from the stress that arises from the thought of your experience.

Regain your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Actually, there is nothing much more that you have to do at this point to regain your basic self-esteem and confidence, if you have been taking good care of yourself, as outlined in the previous section. Of course, you can do more to bring this about – i.e. through meditation and affirmations.

Mend your broken spirit.

When your wounds have healed a little, spend some time all by yourself in a quiet, isolated place, such as a private beach resort or a mountain retreat house where the panoramic view of the lowland is fantastic.

  • Settle the issue in your heart once and for all.
  • Reflect on the relationship that was, and analyze the events, attitudes, and behaviors that led to the breakup. What lessons can you learn?

  • Learn to forgive and forget.
  • Forgiveness releases you from the pains you have been harboring all along in your heart. It does not condone the faults either of you have committed. For your own sake, learn to forgive.

    … and to forget. Forgetting means you remember the person, but you don’t remember the feeling anymore.

  • View your experience from a positive perspective.
  • Regret not that the relationship has come to an end. Be happy, instead, that a beautiful relationship has once been part of your life and that the happy times you spent together is worth the pain its breakup has caused you.

Hopefully, this process would put closure to this issue. Then, relegate this aspect of your past to permanent oblivion, and start looking forward to a brighter future.

A Breakup: Is It Really Necessary?

If the breakup is necessary and the foregoing suggestions are not enough to alleviate your pain, consider delving more deeply into the subject from a professional who has written a treatise on this topic: How to Get Over a Breakup.

On the other hand, if you believe break up is not the most prudent response to your relationship issue – e.g. the other has just fallen out of love and you want to win her back – you might still be able to restore the relationship. I urge you to learn The Magic of Making Up (Get Your Ex Back). This online bestseller has solved countless cases of unnecessary breakups.

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