FOR MEN ONLY: How to Communicate with a Woman

by Percival J. Meris on January 16, 2011

Gender Communication

Photo Courtesy of Lotus Head via stock.xchng

gender communication

GENDER COMMUNICATION DIFFERENCES HAVE BEEN RESPONSIBLE for a lot of unfortunate misunderstandings between men and women. What is supposed to be a bonding force between them, because gender differences serve to complement on another’s natural traits, now causes them to drift apart and wage the battle of the sexes.

We men often complain that we find it difficult to understand women. Between them and us, we have the responsibility of initiating to understand them – not the other way around (for, men are much easier to understand …just my opinion, of course). When men do not understand women, women begin not to understand men, too. “He never listens to me,” is their most common complaint.

Understanding Gender Communication Differences

Gentlemen, we must realize there is nothing wrong with women’s communication style. Both gender communication styles are equally valid. We just have to understand and accept that difference. Our goal here is not to change but to adapt to their style.

Gender Communication Differences between Men and Women

Nature has intended it that men be more rational than emotional, and women more emotional than rational. That is because men and women have different roles in life, and these attributes facilitate their performance.

This psychological fact is the basis of the differences in their behaviors, including communication. In communication, the emphasis on feelings and relationship-building is more evident in women, while power and status in men.

This has probably resulted to the fact that women tend to speak rather indirectly and figuratively, as opposed to men speaking directly and literally.

So, How Do We Men Adapt to This Gender Communication Differences?

Here are how we should handle this gender communication difference:

  1. Listen to Her Feelings
  2. Listening to a woman’s feeling is the most effective way of communicating with her. Listen to her not only with your ears, but also with your eyes and, more so, with your heart.

    Here, the skill of body language reading comes into play. For, body language is the language of feelings.

  3. Read between Her Lines
  4. In many instances, a woman does not express in words exactly what she really means at heart. A man has to read between her lines with what her body is actually saying. That is why, failing to do this, a man often does not understand his woman.

  5. View Situations from Her Point of View
  6. Unpleasant feelings could arise in you in conversations of this nature. Don’t blame her for this. These feelings arise from your failure to listen with an understanding of her point of view.

  7. Handle Her Feelings with Care
  8. The success of your conversation with a woman depends on how you make her feel. So, when you converse with her, make her feel understood, respected, and validated. Assure her you care about what she is saying and feeling. Her feelings are valid, even if at first they don’t make any sense to you.

Here are how we should NOT handle this gender communication difference:

  1. Don’t Offer Solutions. Just Listen.
  2. When your woman talks to you about problems, it does not mean she does not have solutions for them. Resist the urge to offer solutions. She just wants you to listen. Just realize that while you are by nature a problem solver, she is at heart a problem talker.

  3. Don’t Pretend You Understand, When You Don’t
  4. Do not hesitate to admit openly to her you do not understand what she is saying. Ask questions. Seek clarifications. At least, by doing so, she is made to feel you really are listening to her.

  5. Don’t Think You Always Have to Agree
  6. If you disagree with what she said, gently explain your point of view. But before that, make her feel first that what she said is important to you. If you slight her feelings as a result of expressing your disagreement, apologize immediately. Understand that your woman is a creature of feelings.

Good communication is the foundation of successful relationships. We often fail in this regard in our communication with the members of the opposite sex.

Understand, my fellow Y-chromosome bearers, that a woman’s emotional nature colors her style of communication. While we men tend to be straightforward, communicating to pass on direct information or solve a problematic situation, our gender counterparts tend to use communication for the purpose of connecting and interacting.

Often, your woman is merely seeking to reestablish positive bonding with you. Your tendency to give a literal response does not evoke satisfaction on her part in meeting her communication needs.

These, my fellow male species of the human race, are the peculiarities and intricacies of gender communication.


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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

ChakaChuka January 8, 2013 at 11:32 am

I don’t speak. I always let my woman do the talking, wether we’re on good terms or fighting. For me, silence is golden.

Chaka Chuka

Fast Company July 26, 2013 at 11:24 am

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Angel February 28, 2016 at 8:33 am

Your answer was just what I nedeed. It’s made my day!

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